II
You take your place in the circle, as the life of the forest gathers around you. All creatures have come, but it’s the crows who draw your focus - inky shapes adorning branches, the pearly eyes of elders seeing between the worlds. The spirit is in the centre of the gathering, still holding the body of the hummingbird, the thread still shimmering between them.
All at once, the great black birds begin to caw - a soaring sound shattering the still air, and in their cries you hear the stories of the hummingbird. You hear the forest’s gratitude for the tiny creature’s courage, for its reminder of beauty and joy, and the many flowers it made bloom.
All around you, the forest mourns and rejoices at once; a song of eulogy for a friend.
SONG: IN STILLNESS, IN SOUND
This is the first song I wrote after my brother passed. I still couldn’t say his name.
On the day he died, and almost every day since, I’ve written him letters. Often on my phone - I suppose it makes me feel like I’m just sending him a text message.
Life became a daze for most of the year.
A pendulum swing between the deepest void of grief I’d ever known, and a growing feeling that perhaps death isn’t what we’ve been told it is…
Directed by Tim Kent (Stackhat)
STILLNESS: LYRICS & SKETCHES
Cycles was very nearly an acoustic vocal & string quintet record.
My dear friend Dryden Thomas arranged the strings, and his generosity, talent, love & care are a huge part of why I was able to make this record at all.
He talked me through hundreds of ‘I give up’ and ‘I can’t do it’ moments… and that same tenderness is here in his arrangements.
March 2019, Gadigal (Sydney)
Here I am in my little apartment in the city, just 3 weeks after Matty passed away. It was the first day I was home alone after his funeral.
I remember feeling like the void would swallow me whole if I didn’t make a sound - write something, sing something, do something.
‘In Stillness, In Sound’ was written facing my window that looked out drearily on to a brick wall, after writing another letter addressed to my brother on my phone, and wondering how I would ever feel ‘normal’ again.
RITUAL: EXPLORATIONS, REVELATIONS
Writing with Grief & Death
When I say I made Cycles to 'transform grief into magic', I don't mean transforming grief by 'fixing' it, and I definitely don't mean pretending.
I mean alchemy. Turning something 'ordinary' into something extraordinary.
Grief, and death, are only 'ordinary' in the sense that we will all share in them someday... but whats extraordinary is allowing them to truly change us.
We can't change Grief, or Death - they are much older and wiser than we are.
We can only allow them to work their magic on us; expanding our capacity for living and loving, and for seeing the beauty in the world, in time.
These invitations are for writing through and with grief, or death... only go as deep as you feel safe to, and feel free to just use one invitation.
Call on Grief, or Death, as someone you can speak with. What wisdom do they have to share with you in this moment...?
CONNECT
Writing can be scary. Sharing is vulnerable. If you want to have your writing from Part Two’s Ritual witnessed, you can submit it anonymously below… or, if you’d like to have a conversation about it, you can reply to today’s email.
If you haven’t already, I invite you to join the Dream Army Discord HERE. We’re sharing Rituals, reflections and connecting as a community.
Need a primer on Discord? I get it - I was confused at first, too! Click HERE for a simple rundown.
You can of course always email me your Rituals - I’d love to see them & share in them with you.
INTERMISSION
…a pause to reflect, write, and feel after Eulogy.
I wanted to leave a note to say that no matter who you are, you have felt grief at some point in your life, and it is valid. Maybe you’re grieving a past version of yourself, for example your child self. Maybe you’re grieving a future version of yourself that can no longer come to pass. Maybe you’re grieving an idea. Whatever it is - hold it tenderly, and know it’s welcome here.
I’ll see you in the forest for Part Three - Procession.
Softly,
Heirloome
